Alex* was just like any college girl in her early 20s: bright, beautiful, and energetic. She valued her family, her friends, and her faith.
Then one night everything changed.
Her friend was hosting a graduation party, so Alex, along with a few classmates, decided to go and have a fun evening out. Alex remained sober throughout the party, as she had admirably high standards. She was dressed comfortably in jeans and a t-shirt.
It wasn’t long before one of the guys at the party noticed her. They spent most of the evening talking and enjoying one another’s company, harmlessly and innocently. He seemed like a nice guy, giving her enough of a reason to stay past the time she had to leave.
Once Alex had realized it was well into the wee hours of the night, she started gathering her things, preparing to leave. But the guy became persistent that she stayed. After several declines to his offer, he became more and more aggressive.
Alex was a strong, athletic girl, but she was no match for the strength of a well-built, six-foot male. After refusing his advances multiple times, it was clear he was not going to take no for an answer.
Alex was taken into a room and raped.
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Each year during the month of April, various organizations plan events and activities to highlight sexual violence as a public health, human rights, and social justice issue. These events also seek to reinforce the need for prevention efforts.
Every 17 minutes a woman is assaulted by forced sexual intercourse in Canada. Young women aged 15-24 are the most likely victims. And in the United States, one in every five women is sexually assaulted at some point in her life.
For years, Alex has carried her secret like a dark, heavy veil of ignominy. For years, she has felt violated and defiled.
How could have this happened?
What could I have done differently?
How did I possibly let him think I wanted that?
How could anyone want me now?
Alone in this world of trauma, Alex is victimized by not only the assault, but by the stigma of what it means to be a woman who has been raped.
Because women who have been sexually assaulted are often blamed for the atrocities committed against them.
Well, why was she at that party anyway?
Was she wearing revealing clothing?
She should know better. She knows men can’t control their desires. Especially if they have been drinking.
I always knew she was promiscuous. She brought this on herself.
No matter who you are, what you are wearing, how much you have or have not been consuming, hear this: rape is never OK.
It has now been several years since every woman’s nightmare became Alex’s reality. She explains that the assault is something she can never fully erase, but with time, God has helped her find freedom from the pain that has oppressed her for so long.
Countless, innocent women are raped and abused every few seconds — a large majority of them keeping the nightmare a secret for fear of further humiliation, shame, and even protection for their lives.
Is the Evangelical church itself part of the problem? How has it supported and counselled victims of sexual assault?
In an article published by the Huffington Post, Boz Tchividjian, grandson of Billy Graham and Liberty University law professor who investigates abuse, discusses how he examines the abuse cases surrounded evangelical institutions.
“Abusers discourage whistle-blowing by condemning gossip to try to keep people from reporting abuse,” he says. Victims are also told to protect the reputation of Jesus. Too many Protestant institutions have sacrificed souls in order to protect their institutions, he says. “We’ve got the Gospels backwards.”
In the very building where individuals should find a refuge, many only see a place of judgment. A place of rejection. A place where they will only find further shame.
This type of oppression has the ability to lead to countless physical and mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression, eating disorders, suicidal tendencies, and susceptibility to substance abuse.
Women (and men) who have walked this dark and heartbreaking road need to know their worth and value is not measured by a disgusting, unfair act that was done to them. It does not define them. And most of all — it was not their fault.
Actress Gabrielle Union recently discussed how she had been raped at gunpoint at the age of 19 during an interview on the ABC daytime talk show, The View.
When asked how she found the courage to overcome the trauma, she says:
“I hated the cloak of victimhood and I realized that people were going to allow me to be a victim and not empower me to succeed. Not encourage me to achieve my dreams and goals or step outside of the box. I wanted that cloak of victimhood off and I wanted to embrace being a survivor.”
Classifying someone who has experienced abuse as nothing but a “victim” — and leaving her in that place of victimhood — is hammering the final nail into her coffin.
Those of us who proclaim to follow Christ need to be at the forefront of the fight against sexual assault. We need to be equipped to provide proper counselling and aid to those who have experienced to sexual violence.
The silence must be broken. The voices of those afflicted must be heard. And they must be celebrated as survivors who have overcome.
If you would like further information on support and aid for victims of sexual assault, please visit www.rainn.org or www.assaultcare.ca .
*Names have been changed for the privacy and protection of individuals involved.
Photo (Flickr CC) by Katie Tegtmeyer.
