“Let’s be honest,” my friend says to me. “You didn’t really want to drive all the way down there just to get coffee, right?”
I thought of what I really wanted to say to my friend, the questions I wanted answered, and the emotions that were galloping through me. I wanted to confront my friend about a difficult situation. And now was my time to do it.
So I answered, “Well, being honest, no. I also wanted to talk to you about what happened last week.”
But then something made me add, “But this coffee shop is really awesome and worth the drive!”
In the moment when my friend asked for honesty, I made an excuse, and my lack of will stopped me from bringing up the pain I felt.
Be honest. Everyone says it. Everyone wants it. Honesty is the mark of a good businessman, a good politician — at least we hope — and a good friend.
So when I say, “Be honest,” why does it give a whole new meaning to the words that follow? Do we assume that everyone we talk to is lying or not speaking the whole truth? Maybe this little word flags a spot where we would otherwise not be truthful. In our culture, honesty is equated with truth, which seems to always be a good thing.
Honesty from a friend can pierce right to the heart, convicting wrong and urging change towards good. The (always reliable) Urban Dictionary defines honesty as, “What everyone wants you to be, but no one wants to hear.”
Deep down everyone wants to hear honesty, because honesty is speaking the truth. And when you tell the truth, you can finally relax. It gives freedom, not only to the truth-teller, but also to the truth-hearers.
The ironic part is, when the moment comes and honesty is required, we not only don’t want to hear it, but we also don’t want to say it.
So why is that?
Maybe because being completely honest means having a true knowledge of yourself and of God. And that is one of the hardest pursuits in life.
Who would choose to dig into the muck, cut through the scars, and face the pain of your own heart? It would be much easier to float on the surface, never exploring, never understanding yourself.
When we’re stuck on the surface of perpetual fiction, we need to be set free by the truth.
If I don’t understand how I relate to God, how God views me, or how I am now in Christ, then I won’t understand myself. When we know and view ourselves as God knows and views us, our lives are marked with honesty, the honesty that moves everything towards freedom.
Along with drinking a good cup of coffee, my conversation with my friend called me to choose to be honest, to face the truth, and to be a good friend. There will be times when I fail and dodge the question; there will be times when honesty hurts. And there will be times when the truth heals and brings freedom.
Photo (Flickr CC) by Andy Nahma.
